I did some FaceBook snooping the other day. Snooped on an ex, and some old co-workers. I only snoop on the people I don’t like so I can see the lies and facades on their social media. The smiling brunette with the belly ring and cute pout, the one who looks like a dumb, but sweet girl next door? She likes to do shit like frame people and try to make them lose their jobs. Just so she can get a giggle. Don’t get me started on the rest. Anyhow, I discovered that one old coworker (23) is now pregnant, and another old coworker (also 23) recently had a baby. The last time I checked, one was in an abusive relationship and the other got married to a cheater. Two very insecure young women, and I find it to be a shame. I have a feeling that at least one felt that having a child would fix a problematic relationship. It is too bad that it doesn’t work out that way. Young women who have only had a couple of boyfriends, if that, and hop onto the first man who seems like he will stick around. I blame inexperience and low self esteem. I was like that with my first boyfriend, but I was only 18. Even after him I strived to find someone to be with forever, but I am glad I didn’t settle. Finding “the one” should be an occurrence, not a decision. Not like, “hmm, I am really in love with this one, he must be the one.” You need to feel 100% with that person. And you need to have enough experience to know what it is like to feel that 100%. Not just settling on your first or third love. And your first or third could very well be an epic guy, but he’s not the one unless it is really and truly going to work out. But with the two aforementioned girls, there are such big flaws already. Abuse and cheating are two deal breakers. I don’t care who you are, it’s a deal breaker. If you stay with that motherfucker he will cause you grief throughout your relationship until he A, kills you, or, B, leaves you. Or if you come to your senses, you leave him. Sadly though, it doesn’t work like that usually. Girls who put up with that shit are insecure and that makes them weak. Some are just born weak too. Sad, harsh truth.
I have been a pushover before in relationships. Things like performing sex acts I didn’t enjoy because I was pressured. Or even if there was no spoken pressure I did that shit anyway because I thought it would help the relationship. I regret most of that shit now but I can’t say it was forced, I just wasted my time on the wrong guys. I am lucky I never gave my actual body up easily. I always demanded a commitment before that. I never gave too much, and that’s how it should be when you’re dating someone. Giving them everything isn’t going to get you commitment. And with young women looking for Mr. Right, giving a guy their body is just going to make them feel attached with no promise he’ll feel attached. He might even act like it, but for all you know he could just be using you as a booty call. Don’t give a man a damn thing until he has stuck around for at least a couple of months and hasn’t shown any warning signs.
Now if a girl wants to have casual sex, that is fine too. But this post is directed at young women who are just starting out and want to find Mr. Right. Which is why I can’t stress withholding sex at the beginning of a relationship enough. It may sound prudish, but it can save you indignity and heartbreak. The last thing you need is some guy using you or worse, using you then spreading rumors everywhere.
So that’s lesson 1 and two: don’t saddle yourself with a kid just to “fix” your relationship, and don’t give ass up to just anybody. Lesson 3, which I cannot stress enough? DON’T LET A MAN EVER RAISE HIS HAND TO YOU.
Fortunately I have never been in a domestic violence situation (unless you count me hitting men). And I’m not saying that’s okay either, but here’s the truth: “Don’t hit girls” is not an old fashioned “rule.” Women are not, and will never be as strong as a man, even if the man is their size or smaller. Men will always have the advantage because they’re built with more muscles. So when a man says “if a woman can hit a man, a man can hit a woman. Saying a man can’t hit a woman is sexist,” RUN. It doesn’t matter if you ever wanted to hit the dude or not, he will hit you if you do something he doesn’t like.
"It was just one time." No, honey, it’s not. He hit you that one time because either he can’t control himself, or he’s testing the waters to see what else you will let him do. Every day you see articles in the news where a domestic abuse victim had the shit beaten out of her, or she’s dead. When you let a man hit you, you are letting him be the boss of you and he will do what he pleases. If you are a strong woman, you will get away.
I think that when the average woman thinks about domestic violence, she thinks “this wouldn’t happen to me, but if it did, I wouldn’t stand for it.” The average woman thinks she would shoot the guy/call the cops/leave/. Unfortunately, based on what I’ve seen, when some (unfortunately a large number of) women get abused for the first time, their first reaction is denial. “This isn’t happening to me.” “It’s just a one time thing, he was drunk.” “Things will get better.” They don’t think back on what they used to think before it happened to them (“I’d call the cops, I’d leave”). They just truly never thought it would happen to them, and in their mind it isn’t happening so they block it out. They still think it’s the man they love. Then they get battered repeatedly and end up dead. I know it is judgemental to say this, but I can’t respect a woman who lets a man beat her, unless she has the strength to leave, and soon. Because these women have no self respect and often drag their children down with them. Not only does the child see its mother being hurt and degraded but the child often enough gets abused too.
Anyway, that was my rant of the day. Remember girls, your ass is yours and it deserves respect!